Well, it better, huh? A whole new year’s worth. So what I have learned in the past few weeks….tantarraaa…
- My children have physical, mental and emotional bodies. The ones we see are the easiest to help grow. The ones we don’t see are as important, if not more so in function and precisely because their lack of tangible appearance. Yet, we focus most on the mental with academics and emotional is all but ignored by most systems…until something blows up.
- The importance of routines can’t be overstated with children. Most children don’t deal well with change. Those with non-regular early childhoods deal less well with change. It is not about being a tight ass. Diet, sleep and exercise are three pillars of four in trying to get a child to get within acceptable boundaries of development of all kinds. The fourth pillar is a positive environment (and that generally means those of us who are interested enough to provide them this!).
- Adoption processes should entail some basic tests as soon as the child gets to an agency. Among this should be trace metals, vitamins, blood details and hormones like thyroid in addition to existing blood grouping and HIV testing. If this info is not around, it is good for parents to get these tests done. Yes, a prick in time saves…a ton and a lot!
- Why am I advocating pricking babies? Besides the usual suspect Calcium (the skew towards physical development again!), trace elements like magnesium and zinc can mean a world of a difference in mental development. We’re talking the entire spectrum here – from autism to behavioural issues. The presence of lead has shown mental dullness, just detoxifying has changed personalities. Lithium and selenium are important enough to be used as critical elements of medication for psychiatric illnesses in adults. A deficiency can be fixed….if detected. End of the day, we are chemical beings too.
- A test for magnesium is a tricky thing. The body is set up to keep magnesium in the blood level. Meaning a blood test could show a decent level even if body stores are not adequate. There’s a serum magnesium test that is better than just blood level, tests of hair, nails and urine – if available at a lab near you are useful.
- There are very few integrated facilities available in India that look to rule out physiological issues before going to the psyche. Say you’re looking at an ADHD diagnosis, it is possible to end up medicating a child who might just be deficient or has sleep apnea or allergies or a few other things (even as simple as routine de-worming!). What appears to be autism could be seizures that are indiscernible without the right EEGs.
- A systematic ruling out of issues has to have a physical component of assessment. The lack of this thinking for the most part in India can mean it becomes a one or the other issue. This can mean parents end up taking the lead in putting together a team of specialists to help them help their child. Whether they want/like to or not.
- Yoga for kids can be very beneficial in helping children become aware of their bodies and what is happening in them and in emotional control, focus and stillness. Whether one is looking at ADHD or not (we aren’t – so besides not being an expert in any case, not an informed opinion on this, just found some very cool resources), there is a lot of merit in getting children to get in touch with their bodies at an early age. I was lucky enough to get yoga in school. Getting hooked in early helps keep in touch with a fantastic method of mental, physical and emotional well being.
- There are yoga instructors who work with infants, esp. those with significant mental and physical developmental issues from autism, cerebral palsy and even Down’s syndrome. If this is of interest, a couple of good starting points are Special Yoga and Yoga Calm.
- History aside: Yoga is not Hindu. It has existed in various forms in the Indus valley civilization times, predating Hinduism. I shall use this fact to shut some smug Hindumentalist types up. With pleasure. If anything, Buddhism had more to do with the meditation aspect, Patanjali gave it name and shape in sanskrit in 2 A.D. Exactly as in modern times, advertising and publicity has meant identifying a way of life with a brand…errr…religion. Try countering centuries of advertising!
- Multivitamins and cod liver oil capsules as supplements need to be brought up to the kids’ doctors. The history of low birth weight, any trauma, any issues in pregnancy can mean different from normal patterns of development. I am not for one moment suggesting medicating a child without medical opinion – it is possible to overdose on vitamins and trace elements too. Just consider supplementing in the interest of assisting in the long run. Always with medical concurrence and clear prescriptions.
- Even if your child sleeps well (mine does like a charm, scheduled internally, so I just chilled!), quality of sleep is totally another thing. There are sleep tests for children who have serious enough issues but for most part, just figuring out if one is light sleeper/easily disturbed sleeper is the starting point. Tiring them out or doing the warm drink routine can help improve the quality of sleep. So basically the level of attention required from a parent when things are not on the straight and narrow is tremendous. Oh yeah, you still have to keep some sense of balance as a person. Because your going cuckoo means your kids get there before you!
- Teaching your child to communicate is critical. Not talking general talk. Most families talk a lot with little of real importance said/addressed. I would hazard a guess that 98% of Indian families are this way. Talking is not communicating. Helping them get aware of what’s happening, their reaction to it and their helping themselves solve the problem at that instant is what is needed. Yes, most adults aren’t there. But then, don’t we all expect our kids to be better than us at all things?
- As parents, we need to constantly connect the dots for ourselves between words and deeds. Even ideas when there’s a context change. It can’t work if we’re looking out for daughters-in-law who have to quit their jobs to take care of home and hearth but expect a supportive son-in-law when there’s a working daughter. Hypocrisy is a general state of being for so many. Kids notice. And act/enact accordingly.
- Informing the child of a ‘if-you-don’t-this-can-happen” scenario means you’ve brought the negative to the child, regardless of whether it happens. “If you don’t do this/do this, your friends will laugh at you/you will get scolded/you won’t learn and people will laugh” means you brought the negativity to the child. Friends didn’t laugh, she wasn’t scolded, no one laughed….yet the child’s feeling bad. Worse, we parents did it to them.
- Sometimes it is important to verbalize what we don’t expect. Kids aren’t mind readers. Well, not any more than spouses are! So they can make assumptions that aren’t true and continue on with them. Just because we didn’t verbalize it. If academics isn’t your be all and end all, say it. If you don’t care if the child gets a 90%, tell them. Since they see us wanting them to be better than us, they can very easily jump to the wrong conclusion. Yeah, fixing this better-than-us expectation is also in order.
Doing much better out here, more confident and ready to make it all work more satisfactorily this new (leap) year ahead. Ideas to make sure kids know of these efforts later on include writing a book that might just be (tentatively) titled ‘Mindf***’. Credit for title is not mine. Do think it is appropriate to describe the parenting journey though! 
Have an awesome week 1 of 2012. everyone! Yeah, that includes my rants from a differently situated ex-laptop. My placing it on the sofa arm and strategic elbow placement meant a 2 ft drop and a cracked, broken display. My lovely newish Mac! Sob, sob! Diverting display to desktop’s larger, nicer monitor justifies the ‘ex’ laptop status. I am insanely proud of not losing my cool at strategically placed elbow. After one pithy word that was heard and remarked on later. Still….said it calmly. Please stand in line to pat on back?
Signing off with a kidism:
The Hindu’s headline: Constitution Amendment Bill defeated; Lokpal Bill passed.
Kids: Did Lokpal Bill go to heaven?
Me: Who?
Kids: Lokpal Bill, Amendment Bill’s brother!
