Well, I kinda wish it won’t. But also maybe wish it came in smaller, easier to handle bits? For sure.
Have spent pretty much the last few weeks learning about children and their development. I seriously should have gone to school for parenting. Without exaggeration, it needs quasi degrees in medicine (general to start with and then specific segments….they’ll keep you guessing!), psychology, nutrition, Zen, education and if you have some time and mental space left over, you might consider picking up what was meant to be your profession, just so you are a person too (and all that junk!). Honestly, accounting I picked up much easier and faster. My own education and work were a walk in the park. Those days of just getting myself up and ready to face and thrive in a world? Cake walk! If only I’d known that then and truly appreciated it! 
So what have I learned that’s worthy of this level of build up? Not much….except
- It is never too late to keep an eye on developmental milestones. Much rather be a bit more hover’y’ than neglectful. Found this useful, like Lego and would actually get some for my kids. Just in gratitude (and because I loved playing with it at this age).
- Being engaged in a child’s academic evolution is a good thing. Keeps you in the loop, keeps the kid’s interest at center and supplements what a system may be unable to consolidate for several reasons. One reason being said kid. And by the way, colouring within lines is not always something to scoff at as stifling creativity. It builds fine motor skills, the same things required for writing….a good specimen of which is lauded. The ability to colour between lines needs to be distinguished from being forced follow another’s idea of beauty.
- Figuring it all out is the biggest problem. This is no math textbook that defines the problem, requiring only knowledge of the mechanics. It is not even a business case study or a real life business situation that requires information and analysis/synthesis of information. This is much more because one part of the problem is unable to communicate, doesn’t even figure it out even supposing communication is not an issue. How about going blind into your office and then being the one who saves (or tries to, at least) the day? Or week or gasp…one month?!
- Love is so not enough. It needs all mental faculties in place and focused, it needs basic levels of trust and respect on all sides and it needs specific solutions. Which are available and are the least of it….when you figure out what the problem is. With love as only a major part of the base. And yes, I did dwell on the problem definition phase above. This is emphasis added, my friends!
- There is a lot to be said for the theory of attachment. People can quibble all they want in academic circles about the validity or strength of the theory it is built on and all that. From everything I see, hear and really observe, trust is work in progress for a child who does not share a gene pool with us. And seriously, if you don’t take some things on faith/belief/trust, some foundations can’t get built.
- There isn’t a blanket solution or diagnosis. In the real world, we don’t have the luxury of defining a situation as a pure ‘XYZ’ situation. In the real world of parenting, we’re really into complex variables. For example, some combination of physical factors (allergies, adenoids – just to start at the ‘A’s to deficiencies and sleep issues) to a host of psychological and learning issues can be an out of hand situation. No one can tell how much of which and which combination. The good news is that taken in isolation (something to fall over in gratitude to academics for having defined pure situations!), everything has a solution.
- There’s just not enough time in the day for what is required to be done. There also aren’t any arms or brain cells in excess supply. This is mostly because emotions are involved. About another person’s kid, I can be objective and clear too.
- People are not always nice. For all that I tell son to trust more, I am telling myself to trust less. Do your research, think of the overall picture to make the compromises that are inevitable, inform yourself and corroborate. 100% trust no more. Because it is too painful to deal with the fall out, esp. if it is not on yourself but on others who look to you to be their advocates.
- Age appropriate independence is important. But with concessions or adjustments for the child’s personal characteristics, history, background and strengths/weaknesses – whether adopted or not! Independence for the sake of it (or worse bragging about one’s kid!) is over rated.
- I love the internet. Say what you will about reading up on it. This is what has given me some sanity, a better idea of a bigger picture and a connection to other people who’ve been through kinda similar situations. And worse. Reading rocks at all levels – esp. when some parts of an unseen wheel have been invented for you.
- Working memory is a part of our memory that is required to remember instructions. This is what helps us take on multi-step instructions over longer periods of time. Everyone has it in varying levels. Bad news, the lack of it is easily labeled as a conscious intention to irritate. Good news, it is believed that the brain can be trained to improve low levels of working memory. This is called neuroplasticity. Or God’s blessing….depending on whether you come in from a rational point of view or a religious point of view. Parents aren’t that picky at this level of desperation to quibble over points of view that are more likely labeled ‘simply thankful’!
- People get put in your way. Assistance is close at hand, one only has to ask. This is another reason I speak of it all to people. It is a way to get things off my chest and to get information and help. When one clears out some secrecy, there are a host of people who have been there, done it or are there, doing it, whatever ‘it’ ends up being.
- Kids aren’t too young to be taught the nuances between emotions – the ‘are you mad or are you really disappointed/jealous/frustrated/ashamed..” question helps. They are also not too young to be taught to tell you what they’re thinking, esp. if they know you won’t like it or will disagree with it…strongly. They are also never young enough to be taught ways to be on top of their emotions by breathing or yoga. By the way, counting to 10 can sometimes mean a much stronger punch. Just saying.
- That anything can be done when the mind is put to it. Not to brag or anything but my rosemary chicken was lauded by meat-loving son as a ‘master piece’. Even though he called store bought pav that too (husband slaved over stove for two from-scratch dishes and toasted pav – a ‘mister’piece?!) Yeah, the grouse that he’s not getting enough non-vegetables in a predominantly vegetarian household was addressed with specific days when said non-vegetables would be made at home from scratch. All my trying couldn’t eliminate the grimace at bloody raw materials…working on both getting better with (a more powerful?) grimace and better raw materials. Obviously, anything’s possible!
So how was your week on the job, this week? I didn’t start out trying to plug motherhood. Good thing that – I realize this is a must read for people ____ enough to consider it. I don’t mean to glorify it too much either. This ‘mere paas maa hai’ sentiment these days may just result in a great big sigh of relief. Seriously though, if learning on the job is a criterion, there’s not much out there that’s beyond parenthood. Sink or swim people…this week, still afloat. And that’s pretty much all I can say. There’s still time though….it is only Thursday!
Have a good one!
