a little bit. Attachment and some known difficulties that children face in trusting, letting someone else have control, etc. are learnings in the past couple of years. I always wondered if there’s anything we’re doing that actually addresses this…will that trust void ever be filled up? And how would we know if it was even going in the right direction?
I think I might have an answer. Or am going to take this as one answer for today. Remember ‘now’?
Was at a neighbour’s yesterday after going out to call son to come in after play. He wanted to finish up the last 2 overs, so stepped into her place to plan something we were thinking of. With the mosquies to worry about, I was chatting inside her foyer, door closed.
Son has walked past, not knowing I hadn’t gone back home. He had gone home, rung the bell, got concerned when no one answered – Loopy answered him but couldn’t obviously open the door. I heard him coming down and ran out. And he says,”I know you won’t leave me and go, so I thought you were hurt and couldn’t open the door. Then I thought I could go to M aunty’s and wait for you there and call….”
He had me at ‘I know you won’t leave me and go’ – this has been a recurrent theme in our household for years now. He was very young when he articulated that he was scared that we would leave him and go. Even walking down the stairs is easier for him if we are behind him versus before him. A teeny detail that I would never have thought about.
So how do we know we’re heading in the right direction? The kids shall tell us.
Off to bask in plants at Lal Bagh’s bi-annual plant sale. Walking there on air! 
Awww! thats so cute…I loved loved loved what he said..give him a hug will ya?
One hug given.
I can so relate to the trusting part. I am seeing it move in the right direction with D at home. She was about 6 or 7 months old when I tried to throw her in the air and my god she cried with fear. It was just a couple of months since she joined us and we had tried everything to make her smile. And when she cried that day somehow I cld understand that she has not yet trusted us and I started to understand her blank looks better. I tried it again only close to her 1st birthday when I was sure she would laugh. u know how much she smiles and laughs now! No one can believe its that same child who even refused to look at u. First thing anyone notices now is her smile. As long as she doesn’t lose it I know I am on the right track.
Wow – the power of people and being cared for. Better still knowing that they are cared for. Way to go, Brindha – one more example on how adoption is part of a wonderful solution! D is a rock star as is V.
I got shivers reading this Sangitha…Strangely, even i had a fear somewhat on the same lines when I was a kid, so may be the fear has some other kind of roots too.
Reading about the plant sale made me jealous though. My herbs keep dying on me and I keep trying with them
Was wondering – was it from an experience like Kanchan mentioned? Yeah, the whole world is run by either fear or its absence, it seems. Kids who join us are a bit more vulnerable to certain kinds of fears. As we are to our own from other sources!
Ahh, now to make you seriously jay – rosemary, thyme, marjoram, lavender, chinese (tiny) oranges, some serious orchids, a long desired creeper that flowers orange around now….should I be more mean? Sorry – plant therapy’s the best. Why are the herbs dying? Some of them don’t need too much water. Have you tried a combination of compost and coco-peat as potting material? Helps roots since this material gives a bit more and herb roots aren’t very strong, comparatively.
May be it was something like Kanchan mentioned…I remember a few incidents which might fall in that category.
And the plants , You made me seriously jay
The herbs die mostly when we are not home and they are not watered well. Plant therapy is the best. My basils keep me happy and the marjoram behaves really nice. I experimented with the cut stems and it roots when kept submerged in water like money plant. Celery grows well and so does the mint and dill. Rosemary, thyme, sage and parsley were not as good.
I had tears at the “walking down the stairs is easier for him if we are behind him versus before him”. Adi is scared that we will leave him and go somewhere. Even from the bathroom. There was 1 incidence when he was 3 years old. The school van hadn’t come in the morning, so we told the teachers we would come to pick him up. But the van came and they sent him home in the van. I was at work, so hubby went to pick him up and there was a mix-up. Adi came home and the door was locked. Maybe 5-10 mins, he was alone, crying, knocking, pleading.
We still don’t know how it has affected him, its been 2 years, but he remembers. And is scared.
Ahh – my heart goes out to both you and Adi. These things do have an impact, don’t they?
You’re sensitive, aware and trying to make sure it doesn’t happen again. What more can you do? Hang in there and keep telling him you’re there for him. Am sure you’ll see a change when he is ready.
Awwwwwwww. I am smiling just like him now
*Cheshire grin*
Warms my heart to read this.
Thanks, Heather. All the stuff put in – it actually matters and does something, sometimes!
Give him a hug and tell him that I love him. Who said that older people should not cry??
This is good news – only happy tears.
//So how do we know we’re heading in the right direction? The kids shall tell us.// The simplest way to know. I agree.
There’s no other way that’s as reliable, huh?
Let me be the first one to gloat here. The little imp came first in running – competing with some 10 other children – he does believe in having people behind him , eh??
The proud grandma gloats and has a wide grin 
Yes, he did well. Said he didn’t even have to use his ‘booster’ switch!
He’s flying very high right now!